Tag Archives: Opinion

OCD Girl Strips

To Bleach His Own

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OCD Girl – Public Service Announcement

 

DO. NOT. DRINK OR OTHERWISE INGEST. BLEACH. OR DISINFECTANT OF ANY KIND.

No, not even if you’re a Trump supporter. You lot clearly have enough problems already.

Seriously, what the actual fuck is he doing? I love bleach, I worship the Dettol gods. I currently have a minor panic attack ongoing as, due to the cretins panic buying, I am down to my last Dettol wipe. The horror. But I would never, not even in my darkest OCD days (when I was known to use Dettol to wash with) would I have even considered drinking or injecting it into myself.

BECAUSE THIS WILL MAKE YOU VERY,  IF NOT TERMINALLY, ILL.

Seriously, Coronavirus would be the least of your problems. Plus the poor medical staff have enough shit to deal with at the moment without folks bent on proving Darwin right filling up the wards (and morgues) because they believed this idiot.

Just to reiterate:

  1. Don’t drink or inject bleach
  2. Ditto for disinfectant
  3. Vote that incompetent, narcissitic twatbag out in November.

 

OCD Girl over and out (to hunt for Dettol for cleaning purposes only).

 

 

 

OCD Girl Strips, Uncategorized

OCD vs Coronavirus

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by Zoe Butcher (OCD Girl’s alter ego)

Ah, an epidemic. That special time when everyone suddenly realises that maybe, just maybe, they should be washing their hands more often (apparently a lot of folks seem to view this practice as optional rather than essential). Whilst sufferers like myself sit back in the smug knowledge that we’ve been washing our hands properly, not shaking hands and opening doors using bits of kitchen paper for years, the rest of the world has a nasty case of sudden-onset OCD.

If you arelike me, a long time OCD suffering germ-phobe with emetophobia to boot then you probably don’t need to be told how important it is to wash your hands properly.

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For those of you though, that think hand washing is a waste of time and that germs somehow just ‘bounce’ off you harmlessly due to some hitherto unknown superpower you have – the above is the NHS (that’s the free health service we have in the UK for you US peeps) guide on how to wash your hands properly. Follow it. Sing Happy Birthday to yourself (not out loud, that’s going to invite funny looks and/or sectioning) two times whilst washing. That’s how long it should take you.

FYI

  • Masks are pointless (unless you have the exact right one and have been trained how to use it properly and had it fitted by an expert).
  • Hand sanitizer is OK for out and about but NOT AS EFFECTIVE AS WASHING YOUR HANDS WITH SOAP AND WATER.
  • Coronavirus (or COVID-19 as it is properly known)  despite apparently having its own podcast in the UK now (?!) is not a sentient evil being hell-bent on killing everyone. It’s a virus. Like the flu. It is mainly dangerous to the elderly or those with underlying health issues. Don’t panic.
  • And finally….

 

WASH YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING HANDS PROPERLY, PEOPLE!

 

End rant.

Zoe

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Knives Out

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knives

Writer/Director: Rian Johnson
Starring: Daniel Craig, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chris Evans, Ana de Armas and just about everyone else you can think of.
Vomit Incidence: Multiple, film-ruining incidences.

Writer/Director Rian Johnson (yes the one that the internet thinks ruined Star Wars) brings us a traditional murder mystery with an impossibly starry cast. Think the bastard lovechild of Agatha Christie and Clue with a touch of Downton Abbey thrown in for good measure.

A quirky private detective (Daniel Craig rocking another shocking accent) is hired to investigate the death of a family patriarch. Everyone has a motive and pretty much everyone is an arsehole. Whodunnit?

Now I haven’t written a sick sense review for many, many months. Partly because of the shitstorm that was moving house but partly because I haven’t been mortally offended by any movies recently. Apart from this one. So here, in advance of its UK DVD release later this month, is my take on Knives Out.

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Why did no one warn Zoe, his eyes seemed to say.

This is a bloody good film, it’s well acted, well written and has a multi-talented cast (including the ever bad-ass Jamie Lee Curtis) and for the most part I enjoyed it. Rian Johnson writes a cracking screenplay (shut up Star Wars fans) and has seemingly created a brand new detective franchise with this darkly comic mystery. Also who doesn’t love a film which has a chair made of knives as it’s centrepiece/Chekov’s gun?

SPOILER ALERT

Chris Evans makes for a convincing bad guy (even if it was kinda easy to guess) and I’ve been dying to see him in a role like this for a while. I’ve always had a secret suspicion that underneath his caring and affable exterior lies the beating cold heart of a psychopath and this movie doesn’t do anything to dissuade me of that. The rest of the family are also suitably cretinous and their dysfunctional relationship makes this a cut above your usual posh-person whodunnit. The whole thing moves along at a cracking pace and the dark humour kept me entertained from start to finish, even if you do guess the ending it doesn’t really matter.

Nursing a Grudge

The one decent human being in the movie, Nurse Marta (played by the lovely Ana de Armas, shortly to be seen alongside a non-shitty-accented Daniel Craig in the new Bond film) was the main character and also my main source of angst. Who the fuck throws up whenever they tell a lie? I’ll tell you who, characters in a movie which needs a plot device, that’s who. Seriously though, they couldn’t have picked any other symptom – passing out? Pooping? Anything else but that. Think of the emetophobes! There are three incidences of unnecessary vomiting in this but they’re well-telegraphed enough for you to be able to avoid watching if you so choose. The only mild ‘surprise vomit’ comes right at the end and is, I assume, the whole reason for this plot point being written in. *Shakes fist* Damn you, Rian Johnson, damn you.

So would I recommend spending your hard-earned cash on this when it is released in the UK on 30 March? If you’re a complete emetophobe probably not, it does spoil the whole film but if you can cope then I would suggest watching, with a mate, from behind a ‘safety cushion’. It definitely lives up to the hype.

 

Movie Rating: 8/10

NB OCD: 9/10 – Stop using vomiting as a plot device!

 

 

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Venom

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Director: Ruben Fleischer
Starring: Tom Hardy, Riz Ahmed, Michelle Williams
Vomit Incidence: One, rancid chicken related

In his efforts to take down evil scientist Carlton Drake (Riz Ahmed), journalist Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) is infected with an alien symbiote who has a penchant for head-chomping and snark. Chaos, cannibalism and carnage (see what I did there?) ensue.

OK, so I may have gone into this movie with very low expectations – the trailers were so-so, the promised R rating disappeared and the critics HATED it, but it was a Venom movie starring the fantastic Tom Hardy so I was bloody well going to see it regardless. And I have to say I’m glad I did, I had a ball and so, judging by his performance, did Mr Hardy.

It’s not a MCU movie and it doesn’t need to be, we’ve had more than enough of those recently. What it is though, is funny. Actual laugh out loud funny. I swear I laughed one hundred percent more during this movie than I did during Deadpool 2. So sue me. The CGI might be a little iffy at times, they might have spent too much time establishing Eddie’s character (principled loser, we get it) but when he finally gets envenomed (it’s a word, I checked) it’s a blast.

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Tom Hardy was shocked when the scenery started chewing HIM.

There are obviously some less impressive elements, Michelle Williams is hideously underused (maybe it IS like an MCU movie after all) and it all feels a bit disjointed (I presume where they edited all the good shit out to cut the rating). It would have benefited from much more Eddie/Venom interaction as this really was the highlight here. Tom Hardy nails it as both Brock and his alien alter-ego. The Venom voice is fabulous and his comic timing spot on. Even if you don’t like his performance here no one can deny that Hardy throws himself wholeheartedly into the role. Think Jim Carrey, but with actual acting ability.

There is only one puking sequence and it comes right after a newly infected Eddie goes bin-diving for manky old chicken. You have been warned! Also if you don’t like long prehensile tongues and black ooze, this is probably not your type of thing.

Judging by the amount of cash the film took and the end credits sequence (shhh, spoilers) things are looking good for a sequel. Fingers (and gooey black claws) crossed everyone.

 

Movie Rating: 7/10  if there’s any scenery left after all the chewing by Hardy and Ahmed I would be very much surprised.

NB OCD: 4/10          extra point deducted for unpleasant camera angle usage

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Upgrade (2018)

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Starring: Logan Marshall-Green, Melanie Vallejo, Harrison Gilbertson
Written and Directed by: Leigh Whannell
Vomit Incidence: One, corpse-related

After his wife is killed and he is paralysed during a robbery, Grey Trace receives a spinal implant which enables him to both walk again and revenge-murder people with impressive fighting skills. Implant soon to be available on the NHS….

Ooh this is a great movie. I loved it (much more than Mandy if I’m being honest – but then I usually do prefer a decent story over artwank). Logan Marshall-Green (I’ll save you the trip to IMDB, he was Shocker in Spider-Man Homecoming, you’re welcome) makes for an excellent protagonist. From the physical aspect – yes that’s exactly how I imagine you would move if your body was being controlled by an AI chip that hasn’t done this sort of thing before, to the emotional – whaaa stop killing people this is gross! etc, Marshall-Green is spot on. Creepy tech genius (and apparent young Leonardo DiCaprio clone) Eron Keen is nicely played by Harrison Gilbertson and the bad guys lead by Benedict Hardie as Fisk (no, not that Fisk, another one) are pretty damn horrible.

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Coming from horror veteran Leigh Whannell (Saw, Insidious) there was always going to be gore and, even by my standards, Grey inflicts an awful lot of damage on the bad guys. All in gruesome close-up. Lovely. The fight scenes are well executed and zippy. Sentient robot chips apparently have BADASS ninja skills. You might (like I did) see the plot twist coming a mile off but you probably won’t guess the second one. So I’ll keep quiet on that.

Vomit-wise there’s only one incident to worry about – just have your finger on the mute button/ cushion of denial at the ready after Grey kills someone for the first time. Not nice. Not nice at all.

I would totally recommend this film to anyone who likes horror or sci-fi. It’s a brilliant, well thought out movie and I look forward to seeing Logan Marshall-Green a lot more in the future. Also more Leigh Whannell please!

 

Film Rating: 9/10 (Loss of point for unnecessary vomiting in sink)

NB OCD: 3/10 – Unpleasant but well-telegraphed

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Mandy

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mandy

Where: Limited Release in Cinemas, also available On Demand
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Andrea Riseborough
Director: Panos Cosmatos
Vomit Incidence: Minor blood spewing, also cheddar

A couple living an idyllic life in an isolated woodland cabin run into a bunch of drug-addled cult members. Things do not end well. For anyone.

This film is bonkers, seriously bonkers but utterly mesmerising. There’s plenty of gore for horror fans (chainsaws all over the place), plenty of innovative and gorgeous cinematography choices for film fans and plenty of scenery chewing for Nicolas Cage fans. The plot might be a bit thin (it’s your standard revenge story with added artwank) but in the end that doesn’t really matter. Who wouldn’t watch a movie where Cage gets to forge his own death-axe? I mean c’mon.

Although the overall visual style of the movie is the real star, the cast do their best to weird you the fuck out with their seriously creepy characters. Special mention to Andrea Riseborough as Mandy. She might not make it to the end of the film but her haunting presence continues to be felt until the credits roll. Linus Roache also has a lot of fun as cult leader Jeremiah (clearly some sort of American Idol reject gone bad). I also let out a little cheer when Cage detours off to see Bill Duke (MAC!!!) to  get his crossbow back for reasons (yes, this makes no sense, but who cares, it’s Mac from Predator!).

The vomiting is relatively minor for this genre of film. There’s some blood-spewing when people are being stabbed/decapitated/gouged etc but the main offence comes from a TV advert. Yup, you read that right. After the titular character is offed in unpleasant fashion (NOT a spoiler – it’s a revenge movie) Cage wanders back into his house and on the TV there is THE MOST REVOLTING AD FOR CHEESE YOU WILL EVER SEE. You may never eat cheese again after this. Well I did, but that’s only because I would literally cease to exist without cheese, it’s my main food group.

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Say cheese!

Overall an entertainingly bloody revenge horror, clearly destined for cult status with a slightly more understated performance from Cage than we’re used to (last 30 minutes notwithstanding), this is deserving of a space on any horror or film fan’s watch list. Just not one for fans of macaroni cheese.

 

Film rating: 7/10 (points deducted for cheese-abuse and unnecessary horn).

NB OCD: 5/10 – HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO CHEESE!?

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Sharp Objects

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Available: HBO / Sky Atlantic
Starring: Amy Adams, Patricia Clarkson, Eliza Scanlen, Chris Messina
Based on the novel by Gillian Flynn
Vomit Incidence: Episodes 3, 7 and all over the bloody place in episode 8

An alcoholic reporter is sent back to her southern US hometown to write a story about a series of child disappearances. This means reuniting with her dysfunctional family and dealing with the fallout as she uncovers the town’s secrets.

I recently blasted through this series based on a recommendation from a co-worker. I hadn’t originally picked up on it as I wasn’t a big fan of ‘Gone Girl’, author Gillian Flynn’s other famous novel – the book wasn’t very subtle and the film cast Ben Affleck which, for me, is the cinematic equivalent of sticking pins in my eyes.  But I was intrigued by Sharp Objects and, with the promise that there was only vomiting in episode 8 (lies, all lies), I watched. And got hooked.

As a ‘whodunnit’ it’s relatively slow-paced but as a study of an abusive and sometimes downright evil family it’s fascinating. The run-down small southern town adds a sense of claustrophobia, the flashbacks to reporter Camille’s past add mystery (kudos for casting the young Beverley from ‘IT’as the young Camille – perfect) and, until the last two episodes you have no idea where the show is going, except that it’s nowhere happy. The cast are all superb, Amy Adams is on top form as Camille and Patricia Clarkson is just terrifying as her mother, Adora. I don’t think I’ve seen a higher quality production this year with the exception of Better Call Saul.

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Vomit Warning

OK, so, I can’t go too much into this without totally spoiling the plot but there’s one incidence in episode three which is telegraphed in advance and one in episode seven which is also easy to predict but, and it’s a BIG but, episode eight is pretty much wall to wall vomit for the first half hour. I can’t say why without ruining it for you, but can say that I  spent most of this time watching on mute with my elbow in front of my face. So if you’re an emetophobe be prepared to miss some vital dialogue at the end! Sorry guys.

Less trashy and obvious than Gone Girl and not an Affleck in sight, vomiting notwithstanding, I would definitely recommend this show to fans of drama, murder mysteries and anyone with a weird family. Trust me, this lot will make you thankful for your lot!

 

TV Show Score: 9/10

NB OCD: 8/10 – Eight, for episode eight. Watch it but remember I warned you!

 

 

 

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Deadpool 2

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Director: David Leitch
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Zazie Beetz
Vomit Incidence: One major acid-related, multiple near misses

OK, I’m going to start with two warnings. Firstly, this review WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. Secondly, I didn’t love it anywhere near as much as the first film. Sorry Pool fans. Reasons for this lie below the plot blurb.

Plot Blurb

After taking out the majority of the world’s organised criminals, Deadpool’s girlfriend is murdered sending him into a fit of despair and explosions. After being rescued by the only X-Men they can afford, The Merc with a Mouth sees an opportunity for redemption when he comes across a child mutant with seriously explosive anger issues. The kid needs saving from Cable (angry man from the future – looks a bit like Thanos), his creepy orphanage headmaster (Eddie Marsan on top child-molesting form) and, most importantly, himself. Is Deadpool up for the job?

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I’ll start with the good bits, because there were many. I loved the Bond intro sequence and Celine Dion’s soaring vocals. The supporting cast were excellent, with particular kudos going to Domino (Zazie Beetz) and the lovely Dopinder (Karan Soni). The latter providing my one laugh out loud moment of the movie (yes, only one – I think there might be something wrong with me). The action sequences were a step up from the first film, thanks to John Wick director David Leitch and presumably, a bigger budget. I even (shock horror) liked The Juggernaut. Much more, well, Juggernauty than Vinnie Jones shouting and looking constipated. The end credit scene was also superb but sadly I’d accidentally seen spoilers for this online beforehand, otherwise it might have doubled my laugh out loud moments.

But….

It wasn’t funny. This is a DEADPOOL film and it wasn’t funny? I laughed my arse off at the first film and I don’t think I’ve had some sort of sense of humour bypass in the intervening years, so what gives? Maybe it was killing Vanessa at the start, sending our antihero into suicidal depression (never a bundle of laughs) that did it. I admit I wholeheartedly wanted to get shot of Deadpool’s girlfriend from the film, superheroes’ love-interests always bore me rigid, but couldn’t they have just despatched her with a one-liner at the beginning? She left him for someone who didn’t look like a bullfrog’s testicle etc? Job done, on with the funnies. Also – EPIC SPOILER ALERT – they went and fucking brought her back to life at the end. Goddamnit!

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Wakanda Forever

X-Force fell a bit flat, literally in some cases. Apart from Domino, the new mutants got wiped out as soon as they were introduced, which is a waste of some great talent (except Brad Pitt). At least give them something amusing to do before they get bumped off. Even Negasonic Teenage Warhead (best name ever) didn’t get much to do in this movie apart from having a girlfriend. I mean it’s great having a same sex couple in a superhero film but at least give them something else to do apart from hold hands and look good!

And Finally

The first Deadpool film, despite being gruesome and gross-out, did not feature any vomiting at all. * This one, however, had Bill Skarsgard’s Zeitgeist puking acid all over Peter (watch out when his character is about to die) and Deadpool’s baby legs causing Dopinder to heave repeatedly. Not cool, Pool, not cool.

*ok it had one, bad Colossus

If I had to boil it down to one problem I had with the movie it’s probably this: all the best bits were in the trailer and the marketing material. In fact I’d probably go so far as saying the marketing was funnier than the actual film. That’s not great. So the Josh Brolin film I’ll be re-watching repeatedly will be that other one, the one where half the universe got wiped out and it still made me laugh more. Yeah, that one.

I know everyone else loved it. I know they’re doing a third film, I know I’ll go and see it regardless, but I’m not happy. Not happy at all.

 

 

Film Rating: 6 out of 10

NB OCD: 4 out of 10. Bill Skarsgard’s acid vomit much scarier than IT, in my opinion.

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews -The Marvel Cinematic Universe So Far

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MinfinitySo it’s very nearly here, Avengers Infinity War or ‘How To Kill Heroes and Upset People’ as it’s otherwise known opens on 27 April (or 26 April if you’re in the UK – haha).

As I’ve seen all the MCU movies in the cinema (except Ant-Man, sorry tiny dude) I thought I’d provide a run-through before the big purple guy massacres his way through Marvel’s finest next month. Although I will try and highlight any vomit scenes it has been a while since I’ve seen some of the films so apologies in advance if I miss a few.

I will also rank them best to worst in accordance with MY OWN GOD-DAMN OPINION. Ahem. So there you go. No moaning. Let’s just agree to disagree shall we? With some spoilers…..

Starting with the worst.

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The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Otherwise known as one of those movies where Ed Norton phones it in for contractual reasons (apparently he does still care about films, no evidence for this of late though), this was just another in the long list of Hulk misfires. Tim Roth as the bad guy was a nice choice but ultimately a forgettable film. So in fact I’ve forgotten if there’s any vomiting in it but, as someone gets a toxic dose of gamma radiation at some point, it’s highly likely.

Bad Guy Rating: Tim Roth – yay! CGI – boo!

OCD Rating: Minimal

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Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Sorry Cap, I love you but I didn’t love this film. A great bad guy in go-to movie villain Hugo Weaving’s Red Skull, the film nonetheless dragged for quite a large amount of the second half. Also if you’re going to make Bucky Barnes a big part of the MCU it might have been a good idea to give him more of a decent part in this film. So that, say, when he returns as the Winter Soldier you don’t need to do a massive section where you remind the audience who he is and why we should give a shit. NO VOMITING THAT I RECALL. Also Chris Evans is gorgeous regardless of how stupidly you dress him. That is all.

Bad Guy Rating: Perfect!

OCD Rating: Safe!

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Iron Man 2 (2010)

Ooh this one was disappointing wasn’t it? After the excitement of the first Iron Man movie which kicked off the Marvel Cinematic Universe in style, this one fell a bit short of expectations. The bad guy isn’t particularly scary (Mickey Rourke with electric whips?) Rhodey is now Don Cheadle rather than Terrence Howard who successfully negotiated his way out of the Marvel Universe (doh) and Black Widow is introduced in horrendously sexist fashion. Even the comedy genius of Sam Rockwell as Stark’s incompetent nemesis Justin Hammer couldn’t quite make this film feel right. More of an Avengers intro than a movie, which might have been the problem.

Vomit-wise Tony does go through a brief alcoholic period and this quite often leads to vomiting scenes. You have been warned.

Bad Guy Rating: Whips are not the stuff of nightmares. Must try harder. 

OCD Rating: Alcohol is involved – be aware!

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Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Sigh. I love Thor, I really do. He’s my favourite Avenger by a long way but this movie was not an impressive outing for the walking, talking L’Oreal advert. Lacking the steady directorial hand of Kenneth Branagh from the first film, this feels a little disjointed. Partly because they reshot to add more Loki (I know, how could that possibly be a bad thing? *drools*) and partly because the plot was just, well, shite. The bad guy (Christopher Eccleston as evil dark elf Malekith) has the most ridiculous Macguffin and Eccleston also seems to be in competition with Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman over who hates being in the movie the most. It’s close, but Portman wins.

Bad Guy Rating: Awful, sorry Chris. 

OCD Rating: Safe!

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Ant-Man (2015)

Sorry little guy but I was unimpressed with the adverts for this film so I waited for the DVD. Despite the presence of some quality actors this film just doesn’t grab me like the others. OK, so he can go tiny and wreak havoc, so what? It’s not until the much better Captain America Civil War that we find out what else he can do (which makes him much more entertaining and raises my hopes for Ant-Man and The Wasp). The amusing Thomas the Tank Engine bit remains the highlight of an otherwise uninspiring Marvel outing.

Bad Guy Rating: Great actor (Corey Stoll), not bad.

OCD Rating: Have only seen this once so cannot guarantee safe! Changing sizes may make one nauseous!

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Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

So you thought Iron Man 2 was disappointing? Well you ain’t seen nothing yet! Joss Whedon’s much hyped follow up to the original Avengers movie only drags itself up a few places in my countdown due to some excellently creepy voice-acting by James Spader as Ultron, THAT Hulkbuster scene and the introduction of Paul Bettany’s Vision. The rest of it was just a bit messy and don’t get me started on Hawkeye retiring to be a farmer with his (never-before mentioned) lame ass family. Really? You have an Oscar nominated actor in Jeremy Renner and this is what you do with him? I’m almost hoping that Thanos’ first act of destruction in Avengers Infinity War is to obliterate Hawkeye’s farm and his entire extended family. Gah.

Bad Guy Rating: Excellent. James Spader is all the evil.

OCD Rating: Seen this a few times including at the cinema and I believe there is one vomit incidence during the final Sokovia scenes – it involves a scared person in a car. But that might be Jurassic Park, I’m so confused by Age of Ultron’s plot.

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Iron Man 3 (2013)

Shane Black of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang fame is co-writing and directing Iron Man 3 that’s awesome, we all said. And we were mostly right. The third outing for Iron Man is a great improvement on the second and whether you think this deserves to be higher or lower on my list probably depends on your opinion on the ‘Mandarin twist’. When I first saw this in the cinema I wasn’t too impressed but after several post-cinema viewings I’ve come to love the movie like a little bastard step-child. It’s not amazing, but it’s a more realistic film than some and Tony Stark’s frequent panic attacks certainly resonated with me. The dialogue is snappy and there are multiple laugh out loud moments, which are always appreciated. Superhero movies should be fun (DC, take note). Also Guy Pearce makes an excellent villain, with or without glowy fire-breathing skills.

Bad Guy Rating: Fire-breating awesomeness from Guy Pearce aka that bloke off Neighbours what done good.

OCD Rating: Safe!

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Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 (2017)

The second outing for the weird and wonderful Guardians of the Galaxy comes in lower than I would have wanted and I’m not sure why. There was just something missing from this film that made the first so gloriously bonkers. The same elements are all there, the cast is as superb as ever and the relationship between Peter and his adoptive dad Yondu adds a surprising emotional wallop towards the end. For some reason (probably money) Baby Groot is massively over-used, and several sequences with the tiny tree drag on wayyyy too long. I also remain unconvinced by Ego and his stupid over-complicated evil plan. Yet another Marvel movie which ends with a giant CGI bad guy. Yawn.

Bad Guy Rating: Argh. Giant CGI Baddies are no fun!

OCD Rating: Baby Groot eating M&Ms – you have been warned.

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Doctor Strange (2016)

I’m sure it wasn’t just me who got a tad overexcited when they finally cast Benedict Cumberbatch as the Sorcerer Supreme. Then for some reason they made him do a truly awful American accent (I’m guessing he would have been too Sherlock-y with a British one). The visuals in this movie are stunning and, despite yet another iffy bad guy (sorry Mads, love you as Hannibal though) this was a brave and entertaining introduction to the magic part of the Marvel universe. Oh, and Tilda Swinton is epic. In everything.

Bad Guy Rating: Nice eye makeup, silly motivation. Also devolves into large CGI baddie. 

OCD Warning: Safe! Even if you feel a little nauseous as the scenery twists and turns, the characters all seem fine.

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Thor (2011)

I have to admit it, I have never been a fan of Kenneth Branagh (due mainly to his horrendous butchering of various Shakespeare plays) so when I heard he was directing the first Thor movie I was more than a little sceptical. Little did I know that having Branagh at the helm would not only attract Anthony Hopkins to the role of Odin (Thor’s grumpy dad) but he would also introduce us to a little known actor named Tom Hiddleston (a generation of women salute you Mr Branagh). Chris Hemsworth as Thor is genius casting, as is Hiddleston’s as Loki, the two play off each other perfectly and this, along with the fish out of water comedy as Thor gets banished to earth, made this a nearly perfect Marvel movie.

Bad Guy Rating: Apart from Loki (drool) we have The Destroyer. Large – check. CGI – check. Scary -….actually hell yeah. Bring it on.

OCD Rating: Safe! 

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Captain America: Civil War (2016)

I think, and I know lots will disagree with me, that this movie was a little disappointing. It’s still a great watch, hence it featuring quite high up in my list, but it feels more of an Avengers 3 than a Captain America 3 and we all know Cap deserves better than that (yes, I’m Team Cap, ok?).

The action sequences are impressively handled and *spoiler* giant Ant-Man is great fun when he appears. Frank Grillo’s Crossbones is dealt a bit of a crap hand though, as is Hawkeye (again) but we do get to see Spider-Man back in the MCU (yay!) and the first appearance for Black Panther (double yay!). So overall better than Cap’s first outing but not as good as his second (see below) and one of the films I will be rewatching before Infinity War.

Bad Guy Rating: Love Daniel Bruhl but the character needs a bit of work to be more menacing. Kudos for not being CGI though.

OCD Rating: Despite the presence of a size-changing Ant-Man I do not recall any vomiting in this movie. Safe!

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Black Panther (2018)

So the most recent and massively successful Marvel movie makes it’s entrance. And what an entrance. Proving once and for all that movies with majority non-white casts can blow the box office away and be enjoyed over and over again by people of all colours all over the world, Black Panther started 2018 with a roar (sorry). The whole cast is exceptional and along with some killer action and a strong message they managed to take superhero movies to a whole other level. Also, in terms of kick-ass women this film was easily the best in Marvel history. I cannot wait for the Blu-Ray.

Bad Guy Rating: Sublime and realistic. One of my favourites. Bravo.

OCD Rating: I believe there to be some sand-vomiting at one point, but I may be mistaken. Be aware.

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Iron Man (2008)

Now I’ll admit that I thought that this was the first MCU film. Apparently I was wrong. What it is though, is the first one to get it right. Robert Downey Jr couldn’t be better as Tony Stark, Jeff Bridges menaces convincingly as his nefarious father-figure and even Gwyneth Paltrow manages not to irritate the hell out of me for once as Stark’s love interest – Pepper Potts. The plot is simple but effective – genius billionaire playboy weapons dealer gets blown up by his own weapons, escapes by making a flying suit which can shoot fire then refines said suit then abandons weapons dealing in favour of saving people (mainly from his own weapons but there you go). It’s all so relatable. Love it.

Bad Guy Rating: Jeff Bridges playing someone named Obadiah Stane. Need I say more. Ok there’s a bit of giant CGI shite going on, but we’ll forgive you.

OCD Rating: Safe!

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Spider-Man Homecoming (2017)

Spider-Man’s return to the MCU was much anticipated by fans and this second appearance (after his impressive Civil War début) firmly cemented the web-slinging teen’s place in the Marvel Universe if not in the Avengers (yet). Tom Holland makes for an adorable Peter Parker and I defy anyone not to root for him as he Ferris Buellers his way round New York trying to catch The Vulture (an excellent Michael Keaton continuing his career-long theme of playing flying creatures).

This movie also delivered one of the few cinema-wide jaw drops I’ve witnessed in many many years of film viewing. So MJ might be a tad (a lot) annoying and Robert Downey Jr might have shoehorned his way in a little too much but apart from that this was a fun Spidey movie and thoroughly deserves its high ranking.

Bad Guy Rating: Spot on! The Vulture isn’t a giant CGI monster and he doesn’t want to destroy the city/world/universe, he just wants to steal enough shit to put his kid through college. Who hasn’t been there?

OCD Rating: Safe!

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1

If you were going to bet on a group of Marvel characters to create a massive hit movie it probably wouldn’t have been this lot of misfit weirdos, but a hit is what this film became, thanks to a banging soundtrack, some great casting and a confident visionary director.

As the group are thrown together in an attempt to stop blue-meanie bad guy Ronan getting his hands on an infinity stone (ooh, one of them) the laughs come thick and fast, as do the groovy eighties tunes. As a child of the eighties (nearly) I heartily approve.

I can’t really find fault with this first outing for the Guardians, it even has Glenn Close calling someone a prick near the start. How many movies can say that?

Bad Guy Rating: Nasty blue bastard. Liked him alot. 

OCD Rating: No vomiting that I recall. Huzzah!

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Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Marvel does comedy! Well when it hired kooky genius director Taika Waititi to direct Thor’s third outing we suspected this might be the case, but would the gamble pay off? Of course it did, providing us with the best Thor movie by far, loads of belly-laughs, Hulk speaking and the director himself scene-stealing fit to bust as Thor’s new mate Korg. There are so many great moments in this film it seems churlish of me to focus on the one negative, but if you cast an actress with the ability of Cate Blanchett and then give her panto villain lines then I’m going to have to say something. Sorry.

Badly written baddie aside, this was an exceptionally funny and enjoyable film and it’s probably about as close to a solo Hulk movie as this MCU is ever going to get. Thor and Loki get some great scenes together and Jeff Goldblum is, well, I’ve never quite worked out whether he’s genius or just batshit mental. Either way it’s another necessary rewatch before Infinity War kills Loki off once and for all (I’m assuming). Sob. Also bonus points accrued for not having Natalie Portman in this movie and also letting Anthony Hopkins tit around and have some fun for once.

Bad Guy Rating: Bit of a pantomime performance this time, sorry Cate.

OCD Rating: Safe!

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Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

So the first Cap film was next to bottom in my list and the second one is next to top. What changed? Well they gave it a great plot – HYDRA has infiltrated and taken over SHIELD, brought back Bucky (who?) as The Winter Soldier – a brainwashed assassin and drafted in Robert Redford as a bad guy. Add to that some cracking action sequences (the attack on Fury’s car being my personal favourite) and some real stakes for Cap (he loves Bucky, Bucky his friend who died in the first one, remember him) and this very nearly grabbed the top spot in my countdown. Also Black Widow and Cap make a surprisingly effective team – who knew?

Bad Guy Rating: Who’s Bucky again? Just kidding, superb, could do with a touch less eye-liner though.

OCD Rating: Safe!

 

And finishing with the best –

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Avengers Assemble (2012)

You need someone to write and direct a movie which brings together Captain America, Black Widow, Thor, Hawkeye, Iron Man and introduces the Hulk. Who you gonna call? Joss Whedon, obviously. I loved this film when I saw it in the cinema with my husband, I loved it when I went to see it again in the cinema with my Mother, she loved it, my son loves it. OK, you get the message, this is a popular movie in my household.

He might have fallen foul of late (Tom Hiddleston JUST a British character actor my arse) but Whedon’s one liners in Avengers are so plentiful its hard to pick out just one. But if I had to ‘he’s adopted’ probably got the biggest laugh. Also bonus points to Whedon for managing to sneak some filthy old-english smut past the censors. Well played sir.

With a city destroying finale (yes, I’m sorry it’s one of those again) and some brilliant Loki action, there was no way this was appearing anywhere but the top of my Marvel count down. Avengers Assemble!

Bad Guy Rating: It’s Loki (plus a load of CGI aliens/worm things) – WE LOVE LOKI! We love him so much we’ll forgive him doing the whole clichéd wanting to take over the world bollocks. 

OCD Rating: Safe!

 

 

Overal MCU OCD Rating: Safe! Thank you Marvel for your surprising lack of vomit-centric scenes over the past 10 years!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Jessica Jones Season 2 (with Spoilers)

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Where: Netflix

Starring: Krysten Ritter, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville, JR Ramirez, Carrie-Anne Moss, Janet McTeer, Callum Keith Rennie, Rebecca De Mornay (yes, that one), John Ventimiglia, Terry Chen and Hal Ozsan

Vomit Incidence: Episodes 5 & 6, people, avoid episodes 5 & 6!!!

The super-powered anti-social alcoholic private investigator returns in this second season of Jessica Jones delivered in 13 binge-worthy episodes, but it is any good? Does the (spoiler alert) demise of her nemesis Kilgrave (David Tennant) at the end of season one mean that Marvel’s sulkiest superhero has lost her mojo? I’ve watched all thirteen episodes over the course of two weeks and I’m sadly going to have to go with – yeah, kinda.

I enjoyed the first season, I really did. I even (this causes me actual physical pain) loved David Tennant as Jessica’s nemesis – the mind-controlling Kilgrave. The noir style was well done, the characters were engaging and Krysten Ritter was spot-on as Jessica, in short, everything worked really well together. Season two however is the complete opposite. The first six episodes are painfully average and the content could have been covered in one maybe two episodes max. The remaining seven episodes are redeemed only by the relationship between Jessica and Alisa (the superb Janet McTeer) and Krysten Ritter’s performance.

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It’s almost as if they took a look at what made the first season so good then went ‘fuck it, let’s do the complete opposite!’. We don’t need an antagonist for the hero to beat (yeah you do), we can ditch the noir night shoots for most of the episodes (wtf?), we don’t need to have Jessica investigate any actual cases (still do), also everyone wants to see stuck up self-absorbed Trish relapse into drug addiction then get super-powers like she does in the comics (no, we don’t). Gah.

Even the addition of Janet McTeer as Jessica’s re-animated she-hulk mother didn’t provide the much needed spark. Despite a promising start as Alisa jumps about murdering people to protect the creepy-ass doctor who created her (think the Frankenstein plot but not as clever) she’s relegated to the odd comedy aside and a clunky redemption (really, they happened across a replica of the car crash that nearly killed them both, did they? How convenient). There were some really nice moments between mother and daughter, especially towards the end, but it should have been a side plot, alongside some sort of bad guy to defeat.

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Speaking of bad guys, much was made of Kilgrave’s return in this season. In fact he’s only in one episode, and he’s not alive,  just a David Tennant-shaped vision taunting Jessica when she’s under pressure. And it’s not even creepy little shit Kilgrave, which we know Tennant can do well, we get comedy ‘end seasons of Doctor Who’ Kilgrave instead. Some subtlety would have been nice.

I’m aware this has been a bit of a negative rant, but that’s only because Jessica Jones was one of my favourite new Marvel characters when season one came out. She’s like my spirit animal (apart from the drinking – doesn’t go well with vomit-phobia, drinking) and I feel a bit let down after watching these latest 13 episodes. Ritter is still fantastic but she really isn’t given anything exciting to do. If they get a third season (not sure about that myself) here’s hoping they either dredge up a decent bad guy for her to fight or (never thought I’d hear myself say this) bring back David Tennant. The show needs him.

 

Show rating: 4/10 – disppointing lack of coherence and bad guys

NB OCD: 5/10 Trish’s drug habit giving rise to several unpleasant interludes in episodes 5 and 6 and one even commits the heinous act of cutting straight to vomiting WITH NO WARNINGS. Dammit, people. That is NOT ON.