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Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Knives Out

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knives

Writer/Director: Rian Johnson
Starring: Daniel Craig, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chris Evans, Ana de Armas and just about everyone else you can think of.
Vomit Incidence: Multiple, film-ruining incidences.

Writer/Director Rian Johnson (yes the one that the internet thinks ruined Star Wars) brings us a traditional murder mystery with an impossibly starry cast. Think the bastard lovechild of Agatha Christie and Clue with a touch of Downton Abbey thrown in for good measure.

A quirky private detective (Daniel Craig rocking another shocking accent) is hired to investigate the death of a family patriarch. Everyone has a motive and pretty much everyone is an arsehole. Whodunnit?

Now I haven’t written a sick sense review for many, many months. Partly because of the shitstorm that was moving house but partly because I haven’t been mortally offended by any movies recently. Apart from this one. So here, in advance of its UK DVD release later this month, is my take on Knives Out.

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Why did no one warn Zoe, his eyes seemed to say.

This is a bloody good film, it’s well acted, well written and has a multi-talented cast (including the ever bad-ass Jamie Lee Curtis) and for the most part I enjoyed it. Rian Johnson writes a cracking screenplay (shut up Star Wars fans) and has seemingly created a brand new detective franchise with this darkly comic mystery. Also who doesn’t love a film which has a chair made of knives as it’s centrepiece/Chekov’s gun?

SPOILER ALERT

Chris Evans makes for a convincing bad guy (even if it was kinda easy to guess) and I’ve been dying to see him in a role like this for a while. I’ve always had a secret suspicion that underneath his caring and affable exterior lies the beating cold heart of a psychopath and this movie doesn’t do anything to dissuade me of that. The rest of the family are also suitably cretinous and their dysfunctional relationship makes this a cut above your usual posh-person whodunnit. The whole thing moves along at a cracking pace and the dark humour kept me entertained from start to finish, even if you do guess the ending it doesn’t really matter.

Nursing a Grudge

The one decent human being in the movie, Nurse Marta (played by the lovely Ana de Armas, shortly to be seen alongside a non-shitty-accented Daniel Craig in the new Bond film) was the main character and also my main source of angst. Who the fuck throws up whenever they tell a lie? I’ll tell you who, characters in a movie which needs a plot device, that’s who. Seriously though, they couldn’t have picked any other symptom – passing out? Pooping? Anything else but that. Think of the emetophobes! There are three incidences of unnecessary vomiting in this but they’re well-telegraphed enough for you to be able to avoid watching if you so choose. The only mild ‘surprise vomit’ comes right at the end and is, I assume, the whole reason for this plot point being written in. *Shakes fist* Damn you, Rian Johnson, damn you.

So would I recommend spending your hard-earned cash on this when it is released in the UK on 30 March? If you’re a complete emetophobe probably not, it does spoil the whole film but if you can cope then I would suggest watching, with a mate, from behind a ‘safety cushion’. It definitely lives up to the hype.

 

Movie Rating: 8/10

NB OCD: 9/10 – Stop using vomiting as a plot device!

 

 

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Deadpool 2

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Director: David Leitch
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Zazie Beetz
Vomit Incidence: One major acid-related, multiple near misses

OK, I’m going to start with two warnings. Firstly, this review WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. Secondly, I didn’t love it anywhere near as much as the first film. Sorry Pool fans. Reasons for this lie below the plot blurb.

Plot Blurb

After taking out the majority of the world’s organised criminals, Deadpool’s girlfriend is murdered sending him into a fit of despair and explosions. After being rescued by the only X-Men they can afford, The Merc with a Mouth sees an opportunity for redemption when he comes across a child mutant with seriously explosive anger issues. The kid needs saving from Cable (angry man from the future – looks a bit like Thanos), his creepy orphanage headmaster (Eddie Marsan on top child-molesting form) and, most importantly, himself. Is Deadpool up for the job?

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I’ll start with the good bits, because there were many. I loved the Bond intro sequence and Celine Dion’s soaring vocals. The supporting cast were excellent, with particular kudos going to Domino (Zazie Beetz) and the lovely Dopinder (Karan Soni). The latter providing my one laugh out loud moment of the movie (yes, only one – I think there might be something wrong with me). The action sequences were a step up from the first film, thanks to John Wick director David Leitch and presumably, a bigger budget. I even (shock horror) liked The Juggernaut. Much more, well, Juggernauty than Vinnie Jones shouting and looking constipated. The end credit scene was also superb but sadly I’d accidentally seen spoilers for this online beforehand, otherwise it might have doubled my laugh out loud moments.

But….

It wasn’t funny. This is a DEADPOOL film and it wasn’t funny? I laughed my arse off at the first film and I don’t think I’ve had some sort of sense of humour bypass in the intervening years, so what gives? Maybe it was killing Vanessa at the start, sending our antihero into suicidal depression (never a bundle of laughs) that did it. I admit I wholeheartedly wanted to get shot of Deadpool’s girlfriend from the film, superheroes’ love-interests always bore me rigid, but couldn’t they have just despatched her with a one-liner at the beginning? She left him for someone who didn’t look like a bullfrog’s testicle etc? Job done, on with the funnies. Also – EPIC SPOILER ALERT – they went and fucking brought her back to life at the end. Goddamnit!

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Wakanda Forever

X-Force fell a bit flat, literally in some cases. Apart from Domino, the new mutants got wiped out as soon as they were introduced, which is a waste of some great talent (except Brad Pitt). At least give them something amusing to do before they get bumped off. Even Negasonic Teenage Warhead (best name ever) didn’t get much to do in this movie apart from having a girlfriend. I mean it’s great having a same sex couple in a superhero film but at least give them something else to do apart from hold hands and look good!

And Finally

The first Deadpool film, despite being gruesome and gross-out, did not feature any vomiting at all. * This one, however, had Bill Skarsgard’s Zeitgeist puking acid all over Peter (watch out when his character is about to die) and Deadpool’s baby legs causing Dopinder to heave repeatedly. Not cool, Pool, not cool.

*ok it had one, bad Colossus

If I had to boil it down to one problem I had with the movie it’s probably this: all the best bits were in the trailer and the marketing material. In fact I’d probably go so far as saying the marketing was funnier than the actual film. That’s not great. So the Josh Brolin film I’ll be re-watching repeatedly will be that other one, the one where half the universe got wiped out and it still made me laugh more. Yeah, that one.

I know everyone else loved it. I know they’re doing a third film, I know I’ll go and see it regardless, but I’m not happy. Not happy at all.

 

 

Film Rating: 6 out of 10

NB OCD: 4 out of 10. Bill Skarsgard’s acid vomit much scarier than IT, in my opinion.

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Annihilation (2018)

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annihil

Director: Alex Garland
Starring: Natalie Portman, Tessa Thompson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Gina Rodriguez, Tuva Novotny, Oscar Isaac
Vomit Incidence: Two – bloody and noisy

After her soldier husband returns from a secret mission near to death a biologist signs up for a dangerous foray into an unstable environmental anomaly hoping to find answers which could save him.

OK, first things first, A LOT has been said about this film only getting a Netflix release in the UK, rather than a cinema one as in the US. So bloody what? Some of us much prefer the comfort of our own sofas and relish the lack of human contact we normally would have to endure on a trip to the cinema. Yay for Netflix I say!

But is it any good? Actually it really is. Not that I was too worried, Alex Garland has a pretty decent track record and Natalie Portman is usually a good indicator of quality material (Thor 2 notwithstanding). The film is part sci-fi, part horror and features all female leads which is fantastic to see, even if one of them seems to have overdosed on mood-stabilisers for some reason.

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Gritty female Ghostbusters reboot gets the go-ahead.

I can’t divulge too many plot details for fear of spoiling it for you but if you’re of a nervous disposition then you may want to hide behind a cushion when the bear turns up (another benefit of Netflix film releases – can’t really hide behind cushions in the cinema). You also might want to have the headache tablets ready for the end of the film, it is truly beautiful but utterly mind-boggling.

Emetophobes be warned, the vomiting occurs within the first 30 minutes of the film. Watch out for Oscar Isaac after he has a drink of water and the Natalie Portman waking up from her sedation. You have been warned. Also if you’re not a big fan of wiggly viscera and people with half a face, this may not be the ideal movie for you.

Vomiting and migraines aside, this is an imaginative and thoughtful sci-fi movie and the visuals are absolutely stunning. The ending might be a little confusing and leave us with more questions than answers but then sometimes that can be a good thing. More films from Mr Garland please – whatever format they are released in they are first class.

 

Film rating: 8/10 (loses a point for a slow first 20 minutes)

NB OCD: 5/10 – Vomiting is bad enough but bloody vomit – that’s just plain unnecessary. 

 

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Veronica (2017)

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Director: Paco Plaza
Starring: Sandra Escacena, Bruna Gonzalez, Claudia Placer, Ivan Chavero
Vomit incidence: One, minor

A teenage girl already charged with looking after her three younger siblings makes life infinitely worse for herself when she attempts to contact her dead father via Ouija board. During a solar eclipse. Duh.

You can probably tell from the above précis that I have seen A LOT of films where someone (usually a teenage girl) thinks that contacting dead people using a glass and some cardboard is a great idea. It honestly never is.

This Spanish horror film, despite the marketing campaign suggesting that people have been so terrified they have had to switch off, really isn’t scary at all. The cast is uniformly excellent (especially the young siblings) and the ideas are solid but there’s nothing here we haven’t seen before. OK, there’s the solar eclipse angle but, apart from providing some initial spookiness, this is never really explored. Even ‘Sister Death’ the obligatory blind psychic nun (every movie should have one) doesn’t really have much input.

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Malevolent spirits can be picky eaters 

The very minor vomit incidence occurs when the malevolent spirit decides that Veronica shouldn’t be eating meatballs. Sadly this is one of the better scenes so you will either have to steel yourself or miss out. Sorry guys but I survived it, you will too.

I know I’ve been a bit churlish about Veronica in this review but it’s not a bad movie. The spirit is suitably menacing and the actors do a great job of making you care; you really do feel for Veronica by the end. But if you’re looking for a scary movie you’re probably best off watching The Ritual instead. Sorry Vero.

 

Film rating: 7/10 – lose one point for allowing a four year old with the attention span of a lettuce to draw the all-important protection symbols on the walls.

NB OCD: 2/10 – Unpleasant but endurable tomato sauce regurgitation