Sometimes, when I’m bored, I like to insert Hannibal Lecter into Disney films. Because why the hell not?

Any illustration on these strips which looks decent is the result of my asking Dan Butcher of Vanguard Comic to draw them for me, because I’m a bit rubbish.

Be My Guest – Beauty & The Beast Hannibal Style…

Hannibal:
Ma chere Mademoiselle, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that I welcome you tonight.
And now I invite you to relax, let us pull up a
chair as Dr Lecter proudly presents –
you’re dinner!

Be my guest! Be my guest!
Put my steak knives to the test
Tie this noose ’round your neck for me
And I’ll dissect your chest
Soup du jaw
Hot whores d’oeuvres
Why, it’s more than you deserve
Like this hot pie?
Think it’s tasty?
It’s your kidney, wrapped in pastry
Make you sing, make you dance
I’m a gourmet sociopath
And a dinner here is never second best
Disagree, I dare you
Piss me off  and then you’ll
Be my guest
Oui, my guest
Be my guest!

***

Thief ragout
Rude souffle
Mental patient “en flambe”
I’ll prepare and serve with flair
A culinary cabaret!
You’re alone
And you’re scared
But at least you’ll be well fed.

You might be gloomy and complaining
While your arteries are draining
So I tell jokes! I play tricks
On my fellow psychiatrists
And they’re all in perfect taste
That you can bet
Come on and lift your glass
While I sauté your ass
‘Cause you’re my guest

Yes my guest

You’re my guest

***

Life is undermining
For a diner who’s not dining
He’s not whole without a soul to feast upon
Ah, those good old days when Will was friendly…
Suddenly those good old days are gone
Ten years I’ve been looking
For someone to share my cooking
Needing exercise, a chance to use my skillet!
Most days I fillet someone who’s wronged me
Been rude or just plain lazy
It’s ok though, ‘cause I’m crazy

Will:
It’s a guest! It’s a guest!
Still alive, well I’ll be blessed!
Wine’s been poured and thank the Lord
They’ve had the sense to come well dressed
Screw dessert, they’ll need me
To rescue them, help them flee

While the boss does his pan-frying
I’ll do my best to stop the dying
I’ve got time, not a lot
Heaven’s sakes! What’s with that clock?
Set it right! We want the company impressed
We’ve got a lot to do!
Is it one lump or two?
For you, our guest!
You’re our guest!
You’re our guest!

Hannibal:

Be my guest! Be my guest!
My entree is in your chest
It’s been years since I’ve had anybody here
And I’m obsessed
With my meal, if you please
I love to chew upon your knees
While the candlelight’s still glowing
The Chianti will be flowing
Cook your limbs, one by one
‘Til you shout, “Enough! I’m done!”
Then I’ll sing you off to sleep as I digest you
It was so nice to meet you
Now I’m going to eat you
You’re my guest!
You’re my guest!
You’re my guest!
Yes you’re my guest!