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Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – The Ritual (2017)

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theritual
Director:David Bruckner
Starring: Rafe Spall, Arsher Ali, Robert James-Collier, Sam Troughton, a weird-ass CGI monster
Vomit Incidence: Implied rather than on screen

After the death of a close friend a group of British blokes go on a bonding trip camping in deepest, darkest Sweden. When an injury forces them to detour through a scary forest (dumbasses) the friends begin to suspect that they are being hunted. Hilarity and high-jinks (gruesome deaths) ensue.

This British horror movie was released in the UK last year and is now out here on DVD whereas everywhere else gets it for free on Netflix – bah! Netflix gripes aside though, this is a decent British horror movie (we do occasionally make them) and despite the initial setup being similar to another great Brit horror – The Descent, it soon makes its own mark and by the end of the movie has gone commendably bonkers.

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Rafe was relieved when he realised he wasn’t just making the bloke version of The Descent

There are more than a few genuine scares to be had and the director makes the most of the eerie forest setting (in the process probably putting people off visiting Sweden for life) and the cast freak out convincingly with only a few of the more annoying British script issues in evidence (thankfully I don’t recall this word ‘wanker’ making its unwelcome way into this film). I know some people took issue with the CGI monster but it’s used sparingly and when finally revealed is convincingly batshit insane. I for one do not want to meet the frankly damaged designer who came up with that one.

Said CGI creature has a habit of impaling people on spiky trees and it’s this habit which engenders the only semi-vomit incidence in the film as the characters wander across one of their mates with his insides on the outside. If you need to mute/switch off then best do so just after the first friend has been dragged off into the forest. You have been warned.

There are many, many awful horror films out there on Netflix and DVD, thankfully this isn’t one of them. It’s amusing in places, hellishly bonkers in others and the tension is ratcheted up nicely throughout. A solid watch for a Friday evening.

 

Film Rating: 7/10 – extra point for imaginative (and bonkers) monster design

NB OCD: 2/10 for implied multiple vomiters

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – The Open House (2018)

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Directors: Matt Angel, Suzanne Coote
Starring: Dylan Minnette, Piercey Dalton
Vomit Incidence: Minor but unnecessary and unpleasant

After his father is killed in a car accident Logan and his mother hit financial difficulties and a relative offers them her holiday home to stay in while she tries to sell it. The catch is that they have to make themselves scarce once a week when there’s an open house. Hence the title of the movie, clever, huh?

Well no, not really, clever is one thing this truly awful movie is not. The premise isn’t bad – someone gets in during an ‘open house’ and doesn’t leave, but the story makes no sense, there is zero tension and even after the end credits roll (if you lasted that long, sadly I did) you will not have any of your questions answered. Who gets in? Why do they stay? Why are the estate agents so shifty? Why do we even care etc etc…

The vomiting (when Logan goes for a run, for those of you who need to mute the sound/fast-forward/stab yourself in the eyes with forks) does nothing for the movie, except for allowing Logan to bump into the weirdo old lady who supposedly lives next door (does she? Who knows?).

All in all this really is one of the worst movies I have seen on Netflix (and that is quite some feat considering I watched ‘Nails’ the other day). Avoid at all costs.

 

Film Rating: 1/10 (for a decent premise)

NB OCD: 3/10 mild, unnecessary vomiting

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2

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Screen-Shot-2017-03-01-at-12.35.51-AM

Director: James Gunn
Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Michael Rooker, Bradley Cooper, Kurt Russell, Karen Gillan and (sort of) Vin Diesel
Vomit incidence: Minor but unnecessary

The Guardians, on the run after Rocket nicks a few batteries from an uppity gold-painted race of narcissists, are thrown a curveball with the appearance of Quill’s father, who just happens to be a living planet. Because of course he is.

Not quite as universally adored as the first Guardians movie, this outing still proved highly entertaining with a surprising emotional punch. Newcomers to the franchise, Pom Klementieff (Mantis), Elizabeth Debicki (Ayesha) and Kurt Russell (Ego, who else?) more than hold their own against the returning cast but for me the stand out performance comes from the ever-fabulous Michael Rooker as Yondu, Quill’s de facto dad. He also gets the best action sequence – that fin/arrow combo is nifty!

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Grumpy blue asshat vs grumpy furry asshat

One of the elements not quite hitting the mark was the soundtrack, a big part of the first film’s success, the awesome mix on volume 2 falls a bit flat. With the exception of ELO’s fabulous Mr Blue Sky over the film’s opening sequence, the other songs didn’t really stand out. I’m a big 80s music fan and I think the selection here let the movie down a little.

Much was made in the lead up to the release (and in the merchandising) of Baby Groot (voiced by Vin Diesel). He is cute as a little wooden button, but a tad overused. One of his scenes in particular seems to go on forever. OK guys, we get it, he’s cute with a temper and some sort of mental impairment. Move on.

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Yes, he’s adorable, we get it.

It also happens to be the aforementioned tree toddler who provides the movie’s main vomit moment. Apparently warping too much makes him airsick. Great. An honourable mention should also go to the long running (and arguably unnecessary/vaguely sexist) Drax joke about how ugly Mantis is. He doesn’t puke but he does gag a lot.

I might sound a bit negative in this review but I really did enjoy the movie, even more so second time around. The casting was impeccable, the emotional element worked well but the first film was so refreshing and fun that the sequel really needed to up the ante a bit more and take a few risks. Kurt Russell turning up in a giant egg just wasn’t enough.

I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!

 

Film Score: 7/10

NB OCD: 3/10 – even Baby Groot’s vomit is almost cute 

 

 

 

 

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – Deadpool (2016)

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dpool1

Director: Tim Miller
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, TJ Miller, Ed Skrein
Vomit Incidence: Minor but irritating

A wisecracking mercenary with terminal cancer undergoes torturous experimental treatment at the hands of a sadistic British villain and emerges as a disfigured superhuman on a revenge mission with a truckload of nob gags for good measure.

I saw this movie in the cinema for Valentine’s Day and I loved it. After the first godawful outing for Marvel’s ‘Merc with a Mouth’ (where they stitched up said mouth so he couldn’t speak – go figure) Ryan Reynolds finally got to bring his pet mutant to the masses and he did not disappoint. Despite being rated ‘R’  in the US and 15 in the UK, the film deservedly took the box office by storm and spawned the currently filming sequel.

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This is what happens every time someone says ‘Green Lantern’

The film’s budget might not have stretched to the full line-up of lycra-clad X-Men to assist Mr Pool, but they managed to pick two interesting mutants to add to the mix. Colossus (finally done right) the hulking metal man with delicate sensitivities (more on those in a moment) and the girl with the best superhero name ever: Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Brought along to rein in Deadpool’s antics (good luck with that) the two end up helping him in his quest to bring down the man who tortured him, Ajax aka Francis (the magnificent Ed Skrein).

Although the car attack sequence and the obligatory end battle bring some well-crafted action to the film, it’s the humour that lifts it consistently above your average superhero fare. Although not for everyone (lots of swearing, violence and a year-long sex scene apparently don’t appeal to all movie goers), I laughed out loud more times during the opening credits than I have during any film in the past ten years. Fourth wall breaks, Hugh Jackman gags and even jibes at the star, Deadpool has ’em all.

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Mean comment

However, this film does come with a warning for emetophobes. For some reason it was decided that a good way to demonstrate Colossus’ soft side / get some more laughs was to SPOILER ALERT have him throw up after Deadpool shoots Francis in the head at the end of the final battle. Oh Pool, and we were so enjoying the movie up until that point, despite our OCD being triggered by you hiding a ring up your butt at the beginning. Gah. Needless to say I didn’t laugh at Colossus. I just crossed my arms and freaked out quietly in my seat.

Superhero Landing.

 

Film Score: 9/10

NB OCD: 4/10 for unnecessary puking and hiding stuff up bottoms

Sick Sense Reviews

Sick Sense Reviews – 28 Days Later (2002)

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28days

Director: Danny Boyle
Starring: Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston
Vomit Incidence: Multiple, zombie-related

Jim awakes from a coma to discover that well-meaning animal activists have unleashed a rage virus which has zombified the majority of the UK. Things do not get better for Jim from there.

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Life in post-Brexit Britain was going well…

Zombie films had died a bit of an undeath before the release of this cracking UK film from Danny Boyle. Rather than the shambling, brain chompers of old, this lot are strong, fast and very cross indeed (they are British zombies after all). The speed and strength add an extra level of terror for poor old Jim as he attempts to locate fellow survivors in the post-apocalyptic UK.

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Must be the UK, it’s raining.

If the rage-filled undead weren’t enough to contend with, not all of the survivors Jim meets are entirely friendly and/or sane. Particular mention in this regard goes to Christopher Eccleston’s mildly unhinged army Major. With a captive zombie and a desire to ‘repopulate’ the UK, he’s even more dangerous than the blood-spewing corpses wandering around.

Yup, blood spewing again. It seems gone are the good old days when zombies would chomp on someone to infect them, now they have to projectile-vomit blood all over them. Thanks guys, just what we needed. So if you’re an emetophobe like me you probably want to close your eyes/ears every time a zombie hoves into view. Which is a lot, so you may miss the majority of the film. Don’t blame me, blame Alex Garland, he wrote the damn thing.

Film Score: 9/10 (point docked for not using the post-apocalyptic scenes shot in my previous hometown of Croydon)

NB OCD: 7/10 for blood-spewing and also that scene with Christopher Eccleston and the rotten egg. Put me off eggs for years.

Just a note to say that I will shortly start posting random film reviews on the site with an OCD slant.

As a life-long emetophobe (puke-o-phobe) it winds me up no end that filmmakers think that having vomit scenes enhances their movie somehow or, even worse, that it’s funny.

It’s not funny, it’s not clever and I’ll be reviewing films with an appropriate warning to sick-sensitive folk such as myself when the ‘v’ word is used as a plot-point/joke/gross-out moment.

As I like a good pun as much as the next person, these reviews will appear under the header ‘Sick Sense Reviews’. Because I SEE SICK PEOPLE.

 

ZB