Director: David Leitch
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Zazie Beetz
Vomit Incidence: One major acid-related, multiple near misses

OK, I’m going to start with two warnings. Firstly, this review WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. Secondly, I didn’t love it anywhere near as much as the first film. Sorry Pool fans. Reasons for this lie below the plot blurb.

Plot Blurb

After taking out the majority of the world’s organised criminals, Deadpool’s girlfriend is murdered sending him into a fit of despair and explosions. After being rescued by the only X-Men they can afford, The Merc with a Mouth sees an opportunity for redemption when he comes across a child mutant with seriously explosive anger issues. The kid needs saving from Cable (angry man from the future – looks a bit like Thanos), his creepy orphanage headmaster (Eddie Marsan on top child-molesting form) and, most importantly, himself. Is Deadpool up for the job?

I’ll start with the good bits, because there were many. I loved the Bond intro sequence and Celine Dion’s soaring vocals. The supporting cast were excellent, with particular kudos going to Domino (Zazie Beetz) and the lovely Dopinder (Karan Soni). The latter providing my one laugh out loud moment of the movie (yes, only one – I think there might be something wrong with me). The action sequences were a step up from the first film, thanks to John Wick director David Leitch and presumably, a bigger budget. I even (shock horror) liked The Juggernaut. Much more, well, Juggernauty than Vinnie Jones shouting and looking constipated. The end credit scene was also superb but sadly I’d accidentally seen spoilers for this online beforehand, otherwise it might have doubled my laugh out loud moments.

But….

It wasn’t funny. This is a DEADPOOL film and it wasn’t funny? I laughed my arse off at the first film and I don’t think I’ve had some sort of sense of humour bypass in the intervening years, so what gives? Maybe it was killing Vanessa at the start, sending our antihero into suicidal depression (never a bundle of laughs) that did it. I admit I wholeheartedly wanted to get shot of Deadpool’s girlfriend from the film, superheroes’ love-interests always bore me rigid, but couldn’t they have just despatched her with a one-liner at the beginning? She left him for someone who didn’t look like a bullfrog’s testicle etc? Job done, on with the funnies. Also – EPIC SPOILER ALERT – they went and fucking brought her back to life at the end. Goddamnit!

Wakanda Forever

X-Force fell a bit flat, literally in some cases. Apart from Domino, the new mutants got wiped out as soon as they were introduced, which is a waste of some great talent (except Brad Pitt). At least give them something amusing to do before they get bumped off. Even Negasonic Teenage Warhead (best name ever) didn’t get much to do in this movie apart from having a girlfriend. I mean it’s great having a same sex couple in a superhero film but at least give them something else to do apart from hold hands and look good!

And Finally

The first Deadpool film, despite being gruesome and gross-out, did not feature any vomiting at all. * This one, however, had Bill Skarsgard’s Zeitgeist puking acid all over Peter (watch out when his character is about to die) and Deadpool’s baby legs causing Dopinder to heave repeatedly. Not cool, Pool, not cool.

*ok it had one, bad Colossus

If I had to boil it down to one problem I had with the movie it’s probably this: all the best bits were in the trailer and the marketing material. In fact I’d probably go so far as saying the marketing was funnier than the actual film. That’s not great. So the Josh Brolin film I’ll be re-watching repeatedly will be that other one, the one where half the universe got wiped out and it still made me laugh more. Yeah, that one.

I know everyone else loved it. I know they’re doing a third film, I know I’ll go and see it regardless, but I’m not happy. Not happy at all.

Film Rating: 6 out of 10

NB OCD: 4 out of 10. Bill Skarsgard’s acid vomit much scarier than IT, in my opinion.